Less Than 5 Minutes

I've been troubled for the most part of the day. I tried ignoring it thinking that it would go away. But it didn't work. I don't know what's wrong, or what's happening, but I do know that something is definitely wrong right now. I've been bothered today by my Christmas experience and the moral convictions and guilt that I feel because of the choices that I've made in my life. But that's not what's wrong. I think i'm going to go to the 7-11 and buy a lottery ticket. I'll post my numbers when I get back.

[30 minutes, a bag of chips, some swedish fish, and a pack of mamba chews later]

Apparently they don't sell lottery tickets after 10:00 p.m., so I didn't get any numbers for you guys to see. But I did come up with something for you guys. As I was sitting down eating my delicious snack foods in my living room, I thought to myself, "Is this how life is going to be for me 30 years from now? Sitting down in some apartment with all of my possessions and just living, eating, and dying?"

I looked around at everything in my living room. What I thought about in the room was the purpose for each object and how each one individually has had an impact and influence on humanity. I started thinking about the television and how it's the primary object of worship for over 3,000,000,000 people. I thought about the other objects in the room, the sofa, the chairs, the table, the dresser, and how they all serve individual purposes. I tied this in with how people acquire occupations and think of themselves as their jobs, imitating objects and I thought about how the truth of the matter is that humanity is quite out of place when it comes to this world. Everything that we've created serves an immediate purpose, except for humanity itself.

Chairs are for sitting in and if noone sits on them, then they are useless. Dressers are for putting things in and if noone puts things in them, they are useless. Sofas are for sitting on, and if noone sits on them, they are useless. Tables are for placing things on top of, and if noone places things on them, they are useless. Humanity is for ________________ and if noone ______________________ then humanity is useless.

I thought about how the person who came up with the system that we exist within must've had something in mind when he created it. The only thing that I can think of that he had in mind was the mass production of populace. The system being the creation of things that we don't need, so that the masses can retain sustinence through artificial edifices called societies and economies.

I thought about how artificial the weather is. How for the past two weeks, the weather here has been completely un-fucking-natural and it seems like noone but me is noticing it. One day it's 28F (-5c), the next day it's 72F (22C), next day it's 26F (-7f), then today it was 82F (28C). I think to myself, "Am I the only one that's read the Convention on Environmental Modifications?"

Then I think to myself, maybe this is Eden. Maybe those of us who are aware of things are the serpent, and we're here trying to convince all the Adams and Eves that there is more to life than carnal pleasures, that there is something greater than humanity and that humanity is something profound and serves a purpose higher than we can imagine.

By the way, it took 10 minutes to walk to 7-11, 5 minutes to find what I wanted, and 10 minutes to walk back. So that means this is 5 minutes (or less) of my thoughts.